Originally written Saturday, December 4, 2010. This is the 3rd revision.
Where shall I begin? I wish (x3) that I could start at the beginning and not speak in code but that would only create more problems. The fact of the matter is 2 very important people * VIPs * in my life forgot how to communicate with each other. And, even though I know I shouldn’t, I allow myself to be pulled in the middle. I do it because I love my family and friends. I love to be and was taught to be loyal. Yet, I am so tired of this emotional abuse – it is a scary roller coaster to ride . I am not a punching bag and my arms are too tired to block the blows and defend myself. My true friends have stepped in to try to do it for me. While He (x2 or maybe x3) grumbles and walks away. Comes back to kick you while you are down and then grumbles again and walks away again (for how many times? idk). More than anything I need sleep. I was trying to hide on a business trip. But, before I could accomplish my goals, I found myself driving home for several hours into a snowstorm to put out the fires she (x2 or maybe x3) created for attention because she and he (both) are lonely and forgot how to communicate kindly and leave the hurt and anger in the past. I love them but I am losing my own 2 confidantes while trying to ‘help’ them. I am broken and weary. Sometimes your (or you’re?) hurt more when you help too much (times*infinity). I miss all my VIPs but while I try to concentrate on the road while sleep deprived and letting the tears fall freely all I can wonder is: “we all know Superwoman does not exist.” So why does our culture create so much pressure to strive for more than what we need? Why aren’t we focusing on what is fair, balanced, and/or just?” Maybe when the fresh, white, icy snow finishes falling and the warm, bright, sunlight returns – just maybe I will have my answer….