So Much Pain – Whose fault is it?

At the end of the day it doesn’t matter who causes the tears…I just need the tears to flow and let the pain finally get released from my heart aches. I have been raped trying to protect my family. I have been cheated on by a guy who was sleeping with my neighbor who had a boyfriend. Her mother also died in the September 11 terrorist attack. My Dad has tried multiple times to disown his family due to the stress and pressure of being a public figure in Chicago. My biological “Daddy” was more of a ghost than a real man in my life. All these men, I try to cut them out and forget them but some days it is harder than other days. Other days, I meet guys who say they will treat me and my family better but then they get comfortable and forget. My friends allow me to lean heavily on them still it seems unfair to everyone across the board. Am I really an innocent bystander or did I truly do something to cause this? I do not know. The one thing I know for certain is the only person I can truly count on is myself. And, I am tired of being tired, broken, and confused and I am so ready to stop rebuilding and stand firm and strong. God is my strength, my light, and salvation so while many people enjoy the Hedonism of Carnivale I will enjoy the Serenity that comes with Easter.


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