Still Smiling Through Tears

Distress Index

How much longer will this economic distress last?  As an alumni of a prestigious liberal arts college (Go Duke! Yes, I am a Blue Devil.) as well as an economics major, I can say that the distress portion is becoming better understood. Yet, the persistently dry, apathetic lens of academia and the legal system along with the tedium and snail’s pace of change within these institutions is what concerns me the most.

As a person who has seen a lot of change and loss over the past few years, I know firsthand that the distress is real. I have felt sad, frustrated, angry, disappointed, and heartbroken due to a whole host of different events. If you are a regular reader of my blog then you know these events include finally talking about being raped, my parents divorce, struggles with foreclosure, and a few other things that don’t need to be revealed here.  At times, the issues were so much to bear that in moments of weakness I felt my hope falter regarding my ability to change my own future. To make matters worse, there is no room for those feelings in the non-fiction world of a court room. Even among the academic books I try to read in order to assist in my personal defense, the feelings are just words on the paper and the depth of emotion is void. Until you have firsthand knowledge, I am not truly convinced your analogies or close-encounters will make you a compatriot to the distress caused in such a bleak economy. When you plead your case through a tense voice, fighting back tears, struggling to maintain composure because “the popular system” and idea of professionalism currently in place has not jaded you enough to become a blind and deaf witness to both justice and injustice posed as judge sitting on the bench in a court room only then have you scratched the surface. Success Cartoon

So, while I am personally still scratching the surface, I suppose I will just keep smiling through the tears. How do I do that? I also remind myself of the love and positive changes in my life over the past few years. My heart warms when I think of my growing and evolving family. Through the stress, I have become closer to some of my loved ones and distant from others. These are the people who teach me the true value of pushing past the pain to a place of smiles and happiness.

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